Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Alive.
So much puke
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
