Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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