I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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