THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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