I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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