Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
