So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
