Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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