I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
