It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
