It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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