ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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