Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize