I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
