is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
