no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
