His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
