last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A bitchslap is in order.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
