My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
