he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
