i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
