you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
