You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
