Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
