I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
