I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
