i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
