If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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