But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize