And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize