Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
