ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
