great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
