I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
