My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
