I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
