The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I had to cum in my sink.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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