You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize