I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
