i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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