I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
