Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
