Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
