dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
