Don't make out with my wife yet
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
