Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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