i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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