the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That accounts for only three of the penises
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
