Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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