turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
