sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
