Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
