Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
