Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
But I just had this pork pt. It was dick grabbing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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