I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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