I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish you could order shots online.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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