Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
