took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
