is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
