You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
