I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
