I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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