So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
