You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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