Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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