the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
