Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
