can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
