Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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