I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
