If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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