i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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