Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Randomize
