I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize