Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
