he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
