Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
