marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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