they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm determined to sit on that face.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
