by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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