I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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