He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
