I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
