I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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