Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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