even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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