Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
