So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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